I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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