How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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