its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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