Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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