So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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