saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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