4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
What a dumb baby whore.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize