have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
