think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
did i just pee glitter
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
