the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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