You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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