shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
