He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
