We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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