I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
you never un-have a 4some
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
