1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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