JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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