so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
