I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
