Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
