the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
