he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
