This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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