There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
