So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
