Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
