Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You ever have a fart follow you around?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
