I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
