Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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