so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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