i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
