people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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