Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
