I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
