I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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