Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
