I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
