Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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