You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
