Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
babies were throwing up all over the place
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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