More tranny stories later!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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