My brain says no but my pants say off.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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