I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
