bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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