well you can't waste a boner
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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