meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
