i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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