I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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