I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
