It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
