he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
