i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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