Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
