Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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