youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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