Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
