she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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