Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
