I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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