Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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