Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
