One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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