she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
