I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize