I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
