I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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