Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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