I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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