Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
