Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
