I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
