On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
