Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
