Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
