we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
