i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
