It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
