I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
