I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
