My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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